我的心好痛．．．點解嘢？

Now is already 2.16am, but I still can't sleep.

Just now while I'm lying on the bed, I think about many things. I think about 下鄉D事情. I had a heartache for not be able to 回鄉. I also think about the sms that SJ send to me. She said that our group will never be together. I feel so sad about what she meant. Does they angry with me because I didn't 回鄉 with them and go steamboat with them? 我真係好sad吖.

我的頭也覺得很痛吖. 好辛苦吖~~ (I want to cry already...T^T)
Why life is so tough? Now even want to sleep also so DIFFICULT...
I really cannot stand all these anymore. Can someone please help me end all these suffers?
I really want to get a good sleep before I start my class later on at 9AM. Should I eat some FLU medicine to help me to get sleep? I think I really need it.

Hmm...I am going to take my medicine and eat now. Hope I can sleep 啦. Once again... GOOD NIGHT. Oops, I don't think now is Good Night... now should be GOOD SLEEP.

PS: I hope you guys won't mad at me. I'm feeling more sick now~~

擔心

Huh...
I felt very worried now. Though now the exam was over, I still felt moody for what have I done (which I means all the mistakes that I done during the exam period).

I felt so guilty that I didn't try my very best for this semester and I think I'll be getting a tremendously bad results in this semester that will affect my overall CGPA. I don't want my CGPA to drop so badly.

But all these all too late to be regretted. As whether I passed or not, it will be depending on the fate and my answers. I just hope badly that I can maintain my scholarship. I really can't afford to lose it. I don't want to make my Mom disappointed. I don't want her to spend so much money on my studies. Even though I'm now still using her money for my studies. Just now, she said, "Luckily she (who is me) doesn't use so much of my money on studies." But I really scared....damn scared that I need her to spend more money on me.

If I really can pass all my subjects for this semester, I'll promise I'll be working extra extra hard for my coming semester. I will not play so much of Facebook and Goo so muchh.
Just keep on praying to pass all my subjects. May Lord grants me and my DAC friends with good results. Amen.

feeling guilty...

Hmm... finally here it comes!
Do you know what I mean?? The time that I have been waiting for... exam's moments!!!

Exam is something that I am longing for (haha...seem like I love exam) but I do not mean that I love exam. What I mean is after exam, I'll be having a break. But of course...this semester, I don't have any break as I'll have my 下乡activities which I seriously not so prefer.
I can't understand why their time is so flexible. Once they call for meeting, everyone must present. Actually I do understand that they also need to have exam...but as a scholarship holder...I am not going to do it with them this time... So sorry but I am really not feeling so well...

Omg...my "Hubungan Etnik" will be ruined. As my coursework for this subject is only 71/100 and the coursework carry 60% from the final... I can't get A for this stupid subject ge lo...
Feeling so nervous that I'll lost my scholarship...


signing out by boring kenix @ 5.20pm (我爱你）haha!!

huh...!!!!

Lately, I very "fan" la.
I don't know what I want to do.

Holidays start liao but I feel that I have wasted my holidays liao...I wan revise but I didn't do that. Then i will be going for the scout campfire for three days. No preparations are made. Very disappointed of myself.

Nowadays I only know how to mapling...........but some times, I play games also feel very "sian" la. Really no use liao me.

Now cough like hell n my voice oso change liao just like ghost la. After the campfire, I can go for ujian komputer and start my form 5 studies.
I hope I can do that la. I also  really very grateful to my seniors who are those form 5 de who give or lend me their notes, reference books and also exercise books. Thanks to you all.

Tomorrow need to go to pasar with my team member......want go beli "sayur" hahaha
Now want watch tv first......"the gentle crackdown" then later watch dvd

Holidays = Wasting Time

i se3m tO hAv lOsS my cOnfiDeNce.....

huh!!! i oso hav no idea on how to write my blog la.....thanks hui xin for ur comment.....if gt time send more comments to me la...
i really feel jealous cuz u gt a group of gud frens.....i hope i'll find mine one day....!!!!

lately i feel that i seem losing my confidence in doing watever things la........this few days...i often go to chang's house to discuss about the cooking competition....i see those scouts are really gud......i feel that me myself is really no use la......i always scared that because of me......they'll lose...i feel juz no confident in participating that cooking competition la......cuz actually i'm not gud in cooking....huh!!! although i hav been a scout for 4 years...but lately i hate scout n oso dun hav any confident in doing all those scout skills.....today i go to how lai house for a simple meeting......after meeting....our group discuss about the decorations....i really don't hav any idea la..........then chang say why dun we made mini gadjets....and she say that our group got me...n say that won't be a problem as i am quite skillful......hahaha.....!!!! yes...i am skillful but oli in the knots.....i am not gud in making small n tiny ge things ge....if in the past i think i won't say like tat but i think this is a gud challenge.....but why ge??? :) i oso dunno.......now i oli hope that i won't make my group lose in that competition this coming friday la........haiz.......!!!! juz now someone sms me n ask me whether i wan to go to a place.........i really hope that i can go........but i really scared that i will feel bored...n stupid cuz no one will know who am i and i scared that i am shy to make new frens at that function.....haiz......i really dunno wat should i do....??? <(:)>

Disappointing.......Sad.....

Oo....i am so disappointing of myself...it is already the end of the year since PMR is juz one week left.....Why i feel so DIFFERENT....??? Last year, during these period of time....i seem working and struggling very hard for my PMR. But me now is only "struggling very hard" to online, msning and oso watching television non-stop until i "burn the midnight oil".......ppl burn their midnight oil for studying but...........for me juz doing all these rubbish.....WHY???? WHAT IS MY PROBLEMS??? actually i know that i am very lazy and i always like to online without time management....but i really can't help with my bad and terrible attitude.....i always promise myself to study and do revision on the topic which i am weak in...BUT........dunno why my promise cannot last for even 2 weeks ....Once i saw the computer, i will definitely go and switched it on and started to online....i am so addicted to it now....How can i cure my "sickness" ??? WHAT SHOULD I DO??? To add to that, i am very disappointed with my frenz.......i feel very sad........and extremely sad......Yugathes often asked me whether i hav found my true frenz or not.....? i think in all my school times.....i won't find my true frenz......so i hav decided to give up......looking forward for my true frenz....Actually i oso dun wan to giv up but....wat can i do?? Maybe i really dunno wat is friendship all abt?? or mayb there's something wrong with my attitudes.....but i really cannot do anything now..!!! if they are really my true frenz, they should undestand me and guide me to the correct way.....but they DID'T...??? they didn't try to understand me.....or even wanted to know more abt me.....!! Yugathes got ask me before why i dun like tell my frenz my problems?? Let me tell you why .....i dun like to share my problems with my frenz..!! this is because i feel that about all my frenz cannot be trusted..........if i tell them something......they sure will tell to others....i dun hav trust in anyone including myself !!! maybe because i like to "pendamkan" all my feelings...that's why i always feel sad and depress..!! ok.....watever la....cuz until i finish my form 5 oso ......i won't find the person who i can trust...then .....juz forget abt it lo.....LEAVE me ALONE!!!!LONELY YEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

a vEry coMpLiCated fEeLiNg

Today morning.....is really a bad day for me.....!!! Yesterday....i sleep very early....then today at 4 sumthing....wake up jor...cuz feeling so cold....but then me so lazy sure i continue sleeping la......then at 6...wake up n feel that my right eye "bengkang" jor.....feeling so terrible la....one eye smaller jo.....since my eye "bengkang" liao.....i really dun hav mood.....then i packed up all my books and wait for my turn to bath...after that....i put some medicine to my eye....after that...abt 7.15am ....go skul......really no mood la.....after the assembly....go back to class lo....then we were inform that today no physics class....so i start to do my add math exercise lo.....then that kah yan went to ask for money....as me really dun hav money...so i say i din bring lo....she say in a quite high tone..."i aredi told u yesterday ge ma...." i dun like ppl rushing me to pay...if i got money sure i am going to pay you....la....but i still remember during the beginning of the year ....when i collect money for de library....she oso say like tat to me ge la....then she like marah jo tim.... but today....since my eye is not feeling comfortable...and my mood really bad that time.....i juz dun wan talk to her jo......i very angry with her ar......

this few days...very fan la.....cuz kah yan and yoke yin marah liao....wai sam n the gang.......cuz a small matter....why they all so "kecil hati" ge.....terrible...betul la....so today..wai sam....ask me to ask kah yan whether.....she still wanna join with her during the treassure hunt.....??? then we all go to the lab to watch movie....there...yoke yin and kah yan are playing calculator sms....i juz concentrate on my add maths oli.....while they all watch movie....but as i hear all of them laughing so happy...i watch that movie a while....it's really funny la....after physics period ended....we all go back to class.....then later kah yan send me a sms with her calculator....she ask me to tell wai sam that wai sam still owe her a exercise book.....i feel bad la.....i dun like being treated as a medium to transfer information from one's mouth to another.....i hate to do tis...furthermore i am still angry with her.....later i told wai sam abt the things.....so juz after recess.....wai sam giv me a new exercise book..n ask me to giv back to her...Why they are so funny?......cuz a little problem....they angry liao...each other....then when gud liao....bukan main rapatnya mereka......cannot stand it anymore......

my eye is feeling better now...not so "bengkang"...liao....today really feel so sorry la....if i got show my unhappy face to all my frens...or even not saying a "hi"...to u all guys.....SORRY la...cuz me today really not happy la.......

rain....rain.....and rain......once again i am getting wet......when i go tuition that time.......i really jealous la...to those who got parents...who fetch them to tuition.....after all my tuition......i go home and on9 until now....juz now chat wit hui xin.....i "listen" to wat she write about all her sweet memories....i am really jealous....with her as she got many sweet memories in st.john and oso with her friends.....but me......haiz....all my sweet memories...are slowly changing to bad memories......but honestly.......all my sweet memories are when i was in lower form.....b4 the "W" join scout.......i still remember that time....i first join scout....my first day..of entering scout is that i learned kawad...then later ....i n 4 others girls n a group of boys.....when for the ujian lencana usaha..........i really enjoy that moments.....very happy.....then after the usaha camp....hing wai ask me to join all the boys to go for maju camp......Wow....!! i feel so proud la that time cuz....me one gurl....lead all the boys.....hehe....teringat pun dah gembira....hehe!!!! that time i really like SCOUT very very much............going camp.....go scout house....go gathering....having activities in skul and many more......really happy...la

form 2 is the year where we all done sth really wrong......which is kicked hing wai out of SCOUt....cuz "they" all making report on wat hav hing wai done........that year is really bad.....but hing wai is really nice person as she still help me, chun hung and man heng on the preparations to the Jaya camp........in the camp....we oso feel so lucky as irene n the acs senior are there....they help us a lot in building our "khemah"....form 3....i think is my happiest year ever......as this year...we are having our camp in skul....for the first time.....me as the assistant secretary tim....enjoy those time...riding on chai teng "ego" scooter....go trace for the track...of the pengembara......go meeting...at chun hung house......playing together.....during "halangan komando"....so fun.....but all these are going to end ge la......and i won't find back the happiness forever......cuz of the presence of "W".....that's all for today.......i think..cuz i wanna go sleep liao....
friendship?....how can i find true friendship??......will i be going to miss my school times after my form 5??? really dun noe la....but actually there's nothing for me to miss about....so ntg la...ok la....really hav to stop jor....gud night.....god bless me......n my frenz

a boring saturday night!!!!!

Almost forgot liao today is the summer concert of 8tv.......at last it was held in ipoh....but i din go cuz i dun like lo....house so comfortable....why wan go there wo???? today hav been a very boring day for me...i considered la....

today i got school replacement...but many of my classmates oso din cum.....so bored la...if i noe so many ppl oso din cum....i oso dun wan attend skul 2day la....better sleep at my house......yesterday almost 3 oli sleep la...very "fan" la tis few days.....dun noe why.....but of course..i hav 2 attend skul cuz my mum won't let me "ponteng" de...very "cham" la......go to skul 2day....we r being forced to draw poster of the independence's day celebration.......me myself noe la....that i am bad in drawing..if u ask me to draw...it's juz like calling me to die la.......but luckily....lik wak help me to draw most of the drawing...hehe...i juz do the coloring part oli...after that.....i n my 2 little sister go to geography room to find puan leong lo.....lepak at there oli la....luckily i got the 2 little sis who accompany me....if not i sure will die of being so boring....at skul le....i giv a ride to kar mun n we went to oi kei's house....we chit chat la....they two very funny la....no wonder so many ppl like them la....hehe!!!!!

then i go home at about 1.20pm cuz got tuition ma....long time din go for zaitun de tuition.....cuz of de scout activities la....i hope that those scout de activities won't make me miss my tuition again la...........but i think i sure will miss my tuition as our troop is going to held a modern cooking competition in september 15....n there is oso a.......wat carnival....forget liao wat name le.. but i got take part in the "walk a hunt"...hope can win le....but still one week to go la...but i aredi "tak sabar" liao.....after tuition.......go n watch movie....until i feel so sleepy n i go to sleep liao lo....

very "geram" la.....ppl release my aeroplane....le that sam sam la.....promise wan 2 go to lik wak's house but at last.....say dun wan go liao le ..........so hateful la...tis sam sam.....bad gurl...!!!!
juz on time.....luckily i din sleep until i miss the summer concert....although i din like tis years de summer concert....i still wan 2 watch if not my friends n i din got topic to talk about lo........but actually i really din watch de cuz buzy chatting with my friends on msn lo.....hehe....chat with huey min....yuges...yugathes...n hui qing too.....hav a lot of fun la...chatting v them....while chatting v them....i hav to look for sum information......to do the english ULBS.....so "cham"...ar!!!!!! until now still cannot find de suitable information la.....haizzzzzzzzz........

i really wan to do how is my personalities.......towards my friends.....! tis few days....i am thinking about these things lo.....really make me feel very "fan" la.....Am i juz like a "wood"....do my friends feel boring hanging out v me........WHY i so CARE how ppl think about me??? but i reallly CARE la...how ppl xpecially my friends think about me......!!!! i always scared that i ll lost face in front of my frenz de......i cannot face.....failure de la..........

"In order to succeed, your desire for succeed should be greater than your fear of failure"......tis word by billy ....... is really meaningful 4 me...it is juz like a "pendorong" for me to put aside de fear of failure...in order for me to succeed in my life............

wHat iS hApPeNing tO mysELf.....

My mood is......DOWN!!!

OMG.....! What I have been doing in this half of the year? I really have no idea about those activities that I have done as if I have lost all my memories....
I know that I cannot keep on my attitudes like that cause I am already in form 4.....next year I will be having my SPM
BUT what can I do??? Who can come and help me....guide me to the correct path....huh!!!
Why all my friends seem to be so free as they even got time to go here and there....but for me....it is better for me hanging at home.....and sitting in front of the computer just like now......
Now already left one day and August is coming....but I seem that I don't know what I have been studying all the times.....
Today.....when I get back my Bio's exam paper......once again.....disappointed......cause I FAIL my Bio
That moment only I realised that I don't know what have been taught by teacher during my Biology period.....
Furthermore....I feel that I am very LAZY this year......cause I always run away from my tuition class....and even though I attend for tuition...I surely will sleep during lecture....
Why I always feel so tired de.....? Sometimes....I even think.....should I sacrifice my scout and others co-curiculum stuff and pay fully attention to my studies.....?
I really don't know......
Okay la....as now is already very late....I think I should go to bed lolz......
meiyee.................gambateh!!!!!!!!!!!